Bologna Can Blow Up?

I came to the conclusion when I walked out of the house for work this afternoon that I HATE TODAY. My emotions are all over the place. They aren't stable in one place, they are EVERYWHERE. Its been about 5 days now since I talked to James, and that plays a major part of why I feel the way I do. I feel like I can't talk to anybody about it because all they say is "He will call, don't worry." If its one thing I can't stand during this whole deployment its the words "Don't Worry."
How can I not worry? He is my husband. The person I married for the rest of my life. I love him more then life itself. He is fighting in a war-zone, but "Don't Worry." Half the time when someone says that to me, I just wanna touch their face with my knuckles. I DON'T always know what he is doing, but he does inform me when he will be away for a while. Its easier when I know he will be out for a while vs. having a blackout and not knowing what the hell is going on. Just because he informs me of being away, it DOESN'T stop my emotions from going insane.
I can assure you, I do worry and will worry until I see his number come up on my phone or his name in my in-box. So please stop saying "Don't Worry!!"

Two things that actually made me smile today:

1. My dad bought me a smiley face cookie. I loved that because it made me smile.
2. My friend Kellee always puts me in a good mood when I'm feeling sad. Our facebook conversation today went something along the lines of this:

Kellee: Bologna can blow up?
Chelsey: It sure can.
Kellee: I didn't know that.
Chelsey: I like blowing peeps up.
Chelsey: Not like human beings. The marshmallow.
Kellee: LMFAO. Im laughing because I read it right the first time and the second sentence was just hilarious.
Kellee: I like to put two peeps in the microwave facing each other with toothpicks because they stab each other when they blow up.

We like to crack ourselves up, along with making each other laugh our asses off. Our conversations always have some random thoughts or made-up quotes in them. These two little things helped put a smile on my face.
I'm so fortunate to have such an awesome friend to help me through this. She always understands because she is living the same life. I'm also fortunate to have two amazing parents. They always know how to make me feel better. Even if its with a smiley face cookie.
Oh, and something I ordered for James came in the mail today. I was SO EXCITED when I opened it up. Its a secret. He can't see it until the day he gets home. That little thing made me jump up and down with excitement. So that's 3 things that made me smile today. I am missing him so much. I can't explain the emptiness and the feelings that keep bottling up in the pit of my stomach. I'm so ready for this all to be over with.

I hope tomorrow will be a better day. At least I have a 4th thing to smile about: I have the day off.


The Smiley Face Cookie from Dad!



"Fightin' Peeps"